poetry

These tears I cried, I thought they were for  you

The sweat drops from my head taste just like them

Forming out of the euphoria of my praise breaks

Tried to forget you but the sting of my memories may just be everlasting

Distanced from you, I welcomed new life to fill that void

My pursed lips did nothing to reduce the palpitations

My heart still beats, thankfully, neither for you nor my desires for you

I thought these tears were for you or my memories of you, but no

They were not for me either, though it felt like I would never recover

They really were for what I knew could not be

What I was sure WE could never be, even if I acted otherwise

I cannot forget this, and I will not forget YOU

I can't stand the way you talk to me love it, but since I apparently can't love you

Embracing it would be dropping down a wall 

That I cried nights, struggling to build back up

You make me really happy, but I don't want that joy if it won't have a chance to thrive

Deeper into my emotions, I dive to explore why my heart can't let go of you 

What really are you?

Couldn't figure it out; I still can't figure it out 

To hold on to my love for you 

Or to toss my first experience of deep affection like it means nothing

Who really are you?

Do you want to be mine, or am I just a conflict in the string of your life's battles?

Do you thirst for my affection or is my voice a lullaby for you to distract yourself with?

Do you understand how love works or am I just an extended experiment for you to examine your woes with?

Why you?

Remember when I said,

"I don't like the idea of you being a temporary character in my story" and vice versa?

Well, I meant it.

There's no such thing as an exaggeration of my love for you

I won't keep telling you

But I'll never stop showing you and showing up for you

You also say you'll always be there and, same.

Dumb plus dumb don't equal either of us

But we're also no Einsteins of love

Are you oblivious to our bond, or is it all in my head?

Throbs, pulses, beats, pounds I felt it all, and I fell for you, real hard I still don't want to roll over and get on my feet

I'd instead abide in my memories of your embrace

Dwell in the remembrance of your etherealism

Reminisce on the flow of vour scent

And rather than relive it all

I want it to start over and never stop

I'll wait for you; need to be sure you know I will

Now you do.

I don't particularly appreciate saying goodbyes

I don't like saying goodbye to you

With a bit of time, I get to fantasize about you While adoring the dexterity with which you were created

Saying goodbye to you is not a thing I want to do

That quick moment I get to once again

Marvel at the distinct curves and shapes

That grew to make your face what it is today

What it will continue to be

My unique platter of your beaming smiles

Your direct reproach and indifference see it all; 

I see your face 

I see you

Your wrapped head further accentuates

The beauty of each strand that makes up your brows

The fullness of which beautifully kicked off

On the earth's first day of knowing you

Your eyes, I stare deep into

As we say good night, I, reluctantly

And chills go down my back and legs, shivers.

I can't believe I almost lost this

I'm glad I have you again 

I love you.

How do I tell you that I love you?

I don't want to weird you out

I don't want to scare you away either

But I also can't hold it in any longer

I need you to know what you are in my life

I need you to understand

That no one else is

That no one else will ever be

You have learned all of my love languages

 Or maybe that's just you being who you are

You lent your ears to my concealed tongue

Laid your eyes on my anxious face

Embraced my quirkiness and allayed my fears

You affirm my abilities and validate my emotions

When I'm scatterbrained, in your arms, I'll lay

"You are very intuitive," you say

I can't come to grips with this struggle

This constant strive to get you out of my head

But also keep you dwelling there like you have all along

Will the reaction to my affection be a caress of acceptance?

Or the intensification of your tolerance?

No matter what, for you, I'll always be here 

I can't help but love you.